I see my path. I see the distance I will need to travel to get to where I need to be. I’ve already planned on a long lonely walk and even have come to accept that as a guarantee. I can turn around and see the many ups and downs that were my marriage and family life. Not to say I have regrets but going at it alone has its advantages. When I say alone I don’t mean in the literal sense. I have children and I know they will always be there with me through everything that happens. I can’t help be a little afraid of having to go the rest of my life without a significant other. In my first 6 months of being divorced, I’ve had to learn to live with myself and not having anyone next to me to turn to for encouragement, for faith, for strength and whatever else I might need.
The first 6 months of my divorce has taught me a few good things and while I continue to adjust and set up my foundation for the next phase of my life, I can’t help but notice a figure off in the distance. As of right now, continuing to strengthen my core, my foundation in the solid firmness that is my Christ, I can’t help but wonder about this figure who has shown up. It is still rather shadowy. I can tell who it is but this person is still a little far off so no real threat to me currently. I still can’t shake the feeling that this person is someone I am going to run into as soon as I start moving. I take a few steps and suddenly, I can their face. I can see her, someone from the past. I long over a few thoughts wondering what should I do. I decide to reach out, my hand out to see if she will do the same and she does. It makes me a little nervous but it seems right as well.
I still haven’t moved from my spot. Before I start my journey, my walk, I want to be sure I have everything I need to make the trek. I can tell facing her will be necessary. I’m sure this will fall on me to decide to walk right to her or try to walk around her. I’m feeling like God wants me to decide and that He won’t force any decisions on me. It will be up to me because of my free will. God knows what will happen without a doubt but it will be up to my decision. I feel a comfort and peace looking at this person. I decide at least for now, opening up a line of communication would be a good start.
Am I ready? This seems like a jump. Of course, it could be just a test or it could be my introduction to another life. I must decide based on one big truthful fact, will my God bless either or one and then, which choice?
I won’t lie, something about this excites me.