Bitterness is at the door. Its knocking and it wants in. It just won’t stop trying to get in. I’ve done my best to ignore the knocking but its relentless, its determined and for the longest time, I’ve kept the door closed with all the locks on. I don’t want for one moment to entertain but the relentlessness of the knocking is starting to get to me. Then one day there I was and I unlocked the bottom lock and while the top chain was still latched, I cracked the door open.
Go ahead and take that chain off. Let me in and consume you. I promise you’ll feel better lashing out at the world that has done nothing but mess you up. You owe them nothing. They owe you everything. They left you to rot. They left you alone. No one cares about you and if they did then why did they leave? People have gone on to live better lives and have given you nothing, not even a thank you. Let me in and I’ll help you lash out. I’ll help you get back at them. The fact you cracked open the door means you are close to being ready.
For a moment, I considered letting you in but now I know how right I was for not letting you in. Bitterness will not rule the day in my heart. Yes, it would feel good to lash out, I will not lie. It would certainly feel good to give people my two cents but what good will that do? Holding grudges will bring me faster to death. That kind of evil consumption will wither me away. Now I’m even crazier for entertaining you at all.
I am the darkness you need. You can’t walk away. I will always follow you until your last breath…that’s a promise.
I don’t doubt you’ll always be there. I know you’ll never go away. There will always be moments that will trigger you to return, possibly stronger with much viciousness. It will be a battle, that I know.
A battle you won’t win. I will break you down, weaken you each time. You will hit more walls, people will show you their true colors. You need me to fight because they will show you no mercy.
(A moment of contemplation.)
NO! GO AWAY!
I will walk my life always with bitterness not so far behind. I know bitterness will always be around waiting for me to slip. I cannot ever let bitterness win. It’s a constant struggle indeed. This will happen again though. There will be times I will entertain it for sure. My God always strengthen me to keep going.