Blog Therapy: First Session

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Me: I believe there comes a time in a man’s life where doing things the old way won’t get you anywhere.  The old way was to ignore and to push down deep the emotions that we hold.  The old way was to not say anything and to not share what goes through our minds and hearts.  Through those years I had a wife whom I could trust with all that I went through but not once, did I openly share those thoughts and feelings.  I’d try on my own to make those changes and to try to figure things out but it all failed me.  Not one thing I did worked and everything in my life fell to pieces because of my issues.  The pain and torment that my choices inflicted upon those close to me can’t just vanish away.  It was those choices that forced close ones to leave me.  It had left me empty inside and even though I knew my faith would be my rock to lean on, I can’t say a little therapy wouldn’t help either.  Even though it was sort of forced upon me, I’ve concluded that it was an offer I could not refuse, whether I had a choice or not.  All I can to start is I will use this to my greatest advantage, as best as I can.

Blog Therapist:  I am thrilled that you are here and willing to take full advantage of these sessions, I look forward to having you understand all that you’ve gone through and what to expect in the future.  So tell me a little more and maybe let me know what is on your mind to start.

Me:  I’m conflicted in so many areas.  I’m filled with pain, torment, fear, confusion, anxiety and every other synonym you can come up that matches those feelings I just expressed.  My road has had many ups and a whole lot of downs.  My world ended one day, I was in my own personal Jonas in the whale moment and while I’m not trying to puff myself up, it certainly felt that way.  My faith is important to me but not enough to not seek God’s help like I know I could have.  For that reason I was isolated in my own personal whale.  It was so crazy that time I spent away from it all.  I’d go into details but maybe reserve that for another day.  After my time in the whale, I spent the next time and a half dealing with so much, closing chapters and trying to write a new one.  One big difference was losing someone very close to me, not to death but I was not someone she wanted to be around anymore.  I don’t blame her.  I was never mad at her but I blamed me and I was mad at me.  For a little while it seemed things could have truly gone back to normal but it did not.  Now she is truly gone.  She has gone to start a new life and it hurts to see that.  That life should still be mine but reality check, it is not.  I want to be happy for her too but that’s taking way too much energy and it just opens me up to all other crazy emotions.

Then among it all there are the case of my children.  I’ve done my best to check my emotional up and downs when they are around me.  I try my best to be supportive and understanding, loving and caring when they are around but sometimes, that is just so hard.  They are such loving children though, they see and can tell when I’m not right.  When can see I’m hurting, I can’t help fall into tears.  The past hasn’t been easy to shake off.  Not to say there hasn’t been breakthroughs, but I will say I wish it just all go away.

Blog Therapist:  Seems you have a lot of stuff going on in your mind.

Me:  That’s an understatement!

Blog Therapist:  Listen, I won’t promise that I will solve all your problems but I what hope you learn to do is navigate through all your emotions.  I want you to use this forum to free your mind.  Use it to the best of your ability.  Share what you want to share but don’t feel like you have to go into detail or as they say in those crime shows, names have changed to protect the innocent and yada yada.  Do you understand?

Me:  That certainly sounds legit.  I think I can do that for sure.  A little therapy can go a long way and I think this would certainly be great for me.

Therapist:  I truly believe this will be beneficial for you.

Me:  Without a doubt.  Thank you so much!!

In conclusion…

Therapy is available to us all in so many different ways I think it would be just great to use what we have to get better in life and especially for someone like me who don’t have many people to just bounce stuff off of.  Hopefully I don’t get too far and people look at me like I’ve lost my mind.  My soul is saved so no worries there and while I understand there is only one path home (heaven), still got to walk it until the Lord pulls me off.

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